Negativity
When I don't like someone, it affects and infects every single interaction I seem to have with me. It's really hard for me to separate the Twat from What The Twat Is Doing, especially when irritatants and annoyants drip from every word that spills out of his mouth or his keyboard. Instead of minor problems, they become symbolic of Every Single Thing that I dislike or mistrust about him, and his Twathood in general. My gut instinct reinforces my perceptions, and my perceptions reinforce my gut instinct.
I know I'm a pretty negative person. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, that the lower my expectations are, the less likely I am to be disappointed. Maybe it's the emotional equivalent of rooting for the bad guys in the Bond Film so you don't get scared when the hero is in danger. Maybe *I* am just a twat.
I usually think (well, not even think, but just that split second automatic assumption) the worst. When someone's late, it's because they're an inconsiderate twunt who doesn't think my time is as important as theirs. Private posts on the interweb (don't even get me started on that) immediately make me think that the person is being nasty about me specifically. Random disgruntled comments on messageboards must always be directed at me.
Why am I like this? (I nearly said "Why am I so shit?" and realised that even that was negative.)
Stress; that's the excuse that I'm using for everything from why my back hurts to why The Red Dragon (to use La Spliffe's evocative phrase) is a week late. But it's deeper than that. I've carried my negative experiences and disappointments with me in a way I've never carried the triumphs or good times.
Ah well. Things I've learned from this experience:
-Do not allow yourself to be talked into things. Trust yourself, because you will feel more resentful if something goes wrong with something you didn't want to do in the first place.
-Never go into business with someone you can't go out for a drink and a chat with. No matter what you're promised out of it. This is supposed to be fun.
Sigh. Been listening to Six Organs of Admittance and Sunburned Hand Of The Man all day. Sod this indiepop lark - I freaking HATE it and the sort of twats that inhabit this world. I'm going back to making weird psychedelic records in my bedroom again.
I know I'm a pretty negative person. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, that the lower my expectations are, the less likely I am to be disappointed. Maybe it's the emotional equivalent of rooting for the bad guys in the Bond Film so you don't get scared when the hero is in danger. Maybe *I* am just a twat.
I usually think (well, not even think, but just that split second automatic assumption) the worst. When someone's late, it's because they're an inconsiderate twunt who doesn't think my time is as important as theirs. Private posts on the interweb (don't even get me started on that) immediately make me think that the person is being nasty about me specifically. Random disgruntled comments on messageboards must always be directed at me.
Why am I like this? (I nearly said "Why am I so shit?" and realised that even that was negative.)
Stress; that's the excuse that I'm using for everything from why my back hurts to why The Red Dragon (to use La Spliffe's evocative phrase) is a week late. But it's deeper than that. I've carried my negative experiences and disappointments with me in a way I've never carried the triumphs or good times.
Ah well. Things I've learned from this experience:
-Do not allow yourself to be talked into things. Trust yourself, because you will feel more resentful if something goes wrong with something you didn't want to do in the first place.
-Never go into business with someone you can't go out for a drink and a chat with. No matter what you're promised out of it. This is supposed to be fun.
Sigh. Been listening to Six Organs of Admittance and Sunburned Hand Of The Man all day. Sod this indiepop lark - I freaking HATE it and the sort of twats that inhabit this world. I'm going back to making weird psychedelic records in my bedroom again.
posted by Masonic Boom | 5:28 pm
5 Comments:
I don't have much to say, I just wanted to point out the freudian slip in the first sentence:)
Actually, I do want to say something about "I'm a pretty negative person" and "why am I like this?", which is that I've noticed that you have a very strong self-image, but you seem to attach your negative traits to this, and your positive ones become things that are happening to you at certain times. I couldn't live like that, I tend to be the other way around. I know neither of these positions is exactly the truth, but one is much more survivable than the other.
Hah, kind of appropriate, but it's staying. Because it is as much about me as it is about the other twats of the world.
I hate indiepop too. Everything about that black-rimmed bespectacled faux-naive skinny trousered hypocritical woman-hating self-celebratory scene makes my skin kerrr-awwwwl.
But there is also good stuff in the world too (as you can see, I have my own problems with negativity...).
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Twunt! I'm going to run right out the door and use that.
And yeah, indie boys can be really creepy with their slouchy posture and furtive looks and seemingly passive aggressive sexual impotency. It's like, guy, sure you have nice taste in music, but you really have to define yourself by more than the shape of your appetites!
Give me a nice overgroomed Gino over that any day, even if he listens to the evillest Europop in the world.
Yes, there is good stuff in the world too, and I like being pleasantly surprised by it occasionally.
Like yesterday evening, I stopped by the supermarket on the way to the pub to buy a sandwich and get some cash, and found the first series of Black Books on DVD for £5.99! Yes, sometimes the world is a good place.
(Even though I love Bernard Black because he is the most negative person of all time. I can laugh at myself that way.)
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