I Am A Rock
A slight case of the mizzies today. Multiple reasons for this... Being "taken aside and given a talking to" about some (somewhat negative) things I've expressed on ILX lately. Honestly, this just makes me feel like a recalcitrant child.
I mean, firstly it brings up issues of "private space" vs. "public space" and really, is there any difference, on the interweb? I try, these days, not to say anything on ILX that I would not say to someone in person. But then there is the question of archiving and availability. I hate the idea that everything I say, in the heat of the moment, or in a bad mood, or in jest, is somehow documented and preserved and going to be used against me, or even worse, as a Representative Of My Band. But I refuse to censor myself in what I find a necessary safety valve. I don't want my personality eroded by having to think of myself as representing some group all that time. It's absurd.
The other thing that's giving me the mizzies is I did something incredibly stupid, and re-signed up with that Popular Internet Dating Site. I don't know why I continue to do this, haven't I proved to myself enough that it's not for me? I had the mad idea that the only way to distract myself from being constantly annoyed by my band was to find something even MORE annoying - and clearly boyfriends are the most constant source of irritation and annoyance there are.
Only to get my hopes dashed yet again when no one I message responds, let alone getting any unsolicited messages from randoms. Why did I put my real age, real photos, actual opinions? Self esteem, slashed to threads. Why do I do this? Just to prove that I really am as ugly, unattractive, and unfanciable as I believe I am?
It's easier and less painful to just go on in my little cocoon of claiming not to care, of espousing celibacy, because at least then I don't get my hopes up.
I am a rock, I am island. And a rock never cries. And an island feels no pain. (Probably got those lyrics wrong, but I don't really care.)
Right, back to listening to those Marit Larsen MP3s. It's been a long time since I heard such perfect indie-pop.
I mean, firstly it brings up issues of "private space" vs. "public space" and really, is there any difference, on the interweb? I try, these days, not to say anything on ILX that I would not say to someone in person. But then there is the question of archiving and availability. I hate the idea that everything I say, in the heat of the moment, or in a bad mood, or in jest, is somehow documented and preserved and going to be used against me, or even worse, as a Representative Of My Band. But I refuse to censor myself in what I find a necessary safety valve. I don't want my personality eroded by having to think of myself as representing some group all that time. It's absurd.
The other thing that's giving me the mizzies is I did something incredibly stupid, and re-signed up with that Popular Internet Dating Site. I don't know why I continue to do this, haven't I proved to myself enough that it's not for me? I had the mad idea that the only way to distract myself from being constantly annoyed by my band was to find something even MORE annoying - and clearly boyfriends are the most constant source of irritation and annoyance there are.
Only to get my hopes dashed yet again when no one I message responds, let alone getting any unsolicited messages from randoms. Why did I put my real age, real photos, actual opinions? Self esteem, slashed to threads. Why do I do this? Just to prove that I really am as ugly, unattractive, and unfanciable as I believe I am?
It's easier and less painful to just go on in my little cocoon of claiming not to care, of espousing celibacy, because at least then I don't get my hopes up.
I am a rock, I am island. And a rock never cries. And an island feels no pain. (Probably got those lyrics wrong, but I don't really care.)
Right, back to listening to those Marit Larsen MP3s. It's been a long time since I heard such perfect indie-pop.
posted by Masonic Boom | 5:09 pm
4 Comments:
"A rock feels no pain
and an island never cries"
You can't even switch off being a sub-editor, even for a moment, can you?
Dating sites are rubbish anyways, too much self-editing. Once I saw my roommate's dating site ad and it was NOTHING like him.
If things don't work with Figaro I'm moving to Qatar. There's two boys for every girl there. Making Qatari wages! I just hope my contingent apartment building has a revolving door. Woot!
This song has been my personal theme music since I was 15.
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