Musical Monogamy

I can't stop writing. It's like being possessed. That moment that a "story" stops being a little wank fantasy, and takes off, the characters leaping to life, a simple plotline giving way to a grand story arc. Class, money, sex, revenge, hunting and a good dollop of rock'n'roll, ooh, it's like a Mills and Boon gone mental. Hurrah!

It's Monthend today, so I'm killing time, waiting for the conslutants to get off the database so I can start running the downloads and then the endless recs. I can't do the gig tonight, which is weird. Jealousy consumes me, as I read the others getting excited on MySpace and ILX, and I want to share that excitement, but I can't, and it just leaves me feeling slightly left out. But I have to remind myself, I wanted it this way. It's an experiment, a learning experience for them, to have to do it *all* themselves and not rely on me so much. And then the other half of the experiment happens in three weeks, when I do a solo show at The Windmill.

I'm terrified; it's been a long time since I got on a stage by myself. It's much harder than doing it with others, no one else to hide behind, you just feel naked and exposed. But I'm thinking of which songs I want to do, and wondering if maybe I should split my musical projects in two. I don't want to, I'm inherently monogamous, I want one band to give me everything, pop and bubblegum and motorik and shoegazing. Not sure it works that way, though.