Masonic Boom

"Crazy" "Oversensitive" "Feminazi" "Bitch" bloggin' bout pop music, linguistics and mental health issues

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

So it's MonthEnd today, and right now is my least favourite bit of MonthEnd, which is sitting around waiting for all the users to get off the system, so I can start the downloads. Start it too early, and the data moves out from under you. But start it too late, and I can't finish before the last train. And I don't want to be out too late, as we have a gig tomorrow.

Funny; I used to drive myself sick with anticipation for gigs. Now I've just got a kind of a "meh, here we go again" sense about them. OK, this one might be a bit different, as it's Lisa's debut, and also our first "proper muso" guitar *and* keyboard live lineup. But the sense of anticipation comes as much from other people's excitement as from mine own. And I'm not getting that right now. Will anyone even come? I fear our ILX following walked out the door with The Situation. (But that's another kettle of fish.)

In other things I am looking forward to, I have An Date on Saturday. For the first time in... well, I don't know and I don't want to think about how long.

It's not been doing a lot of wonders for my ego, being on a dating site. But as my bandmates have said, what else are you going to do? You just have to put yourself out there. I've had bites of interest from only three men - but then again, this site does seem to be predominantly female, and I never seem to turn up in searches that I (or my mates) run.

But quantity doesn't matter, does it? In dating, it's about quality. In fact, I'd rather have one good date with someone who comes across as interesting and articulate than a dozen dates with boring, interchangeable Normos (I like sport! And keeping fit! And I love television - I'm a bit of a movie buff! I've seen every Jerry Bruckheimer film ever! etc. etc.).

And then there's Teh F34r!!! - why would anyone actually want to go on a date with *me*? What's *wrong* with him? Then again, who knows, it depends on how you define "wrong" - I know *exactly* what is wrong with me, but then maybe, just for once, someone might be able to put up with my imperfections because they think the other things about me are interesting enough. So maybe, just maybe, it's the same way with him? That his imperfections might be the very things *I'd* like. Well, that's me being optimistic.

Our email conversations have been great, but you can never judge chemistry by interweb interactions. And who knows, he might have dodgy views on religion or politics or Class that might make all the intellectual stuff null and valid. (I cannot quite figure out if this is shallow or not. But those things - religion, politics, Class - are, in the UK, the things that comprise one's Culture. Cross cultural relationships are always difficult, they require more understanding and acceptance than I may actually have. Then again, I've been a Resident Alien for so long, who knows if *anyone* shares my particular Culture.)

Oh, the fear, the fear. But he's intelligent, he's quick, he shows the requisite amounts of curiosity and love-of-debate, and, well, he seems quite... *decent*. Like he knows how to treat a person with respect and consideration. That's worth a lot.

Anyway, we shall see, on all these things.


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