Total Perspective Vortex
OK, today my squeefest is over, and I feel slightly ashamed and embarrassed, like a hormonal hangover. I don't know what ended it, brought back down to earth by a post on their board, a fan who had done some paintings and taken them to get signed. I just cringed with embarrassment. Sure, I've drawn loads of popstars, even got them published, but I can't imagine showing them to the sitter. OK, that's not strictly true - in one case, the musicians in question asked me to do their cover art.
But... it's more like a sense of intimacy has been violated. Of course one develops a kind of imaginary relationship with one's idol, based on the intimacy one finds with their music. But it just brought back to earth with a jolt the point that it is a one-way intimacy.*
Last night was a total Shimuras gigglefest. Everyone was in filthy moods, the dirty jokes flying back and forth (I was actually reduced to a laughing fit so bad I started choking by the alternate interpretation of "Ten Silver Drops". (Think about it. Think 10CC.)) I kinda stopped trying to be the Organised One, just lay back and let them get on with it, and it was fine. A bit rough, but more enjoyable than when I feel like I have to be The Boss. Doesn't really help the sense of not belonging any more, though.
Waited forever for the train to get home, studying the adverts in the tube station. There's a current series - took a moment to realise that they're ads for a mobile phone service - which have just captured my imagination, if not my aesthetics. They're done in this soft, magical paisley, swhirling, glowing fronds like a cross between a mushroom trip and those glowing trails that particle accelerators leave behind. The one we were looking at featured an older woman leading a younger woman down this mystical looking forest path... I was joking "Is that her mother, her drug dealer, or a witch, taking her to a myserious coming of age ceremony in the woods?" All three seemed possible - it was just interesting to see an ad for technology featuring dynamics between women of different generations.
*Or, rather, the intimacy is with other fans. It is not with the Idol. The relationship with the Idol is an Einsteinian light-cone Causal Relationship, not a Quantum Entangled State.
But... it's more like a sense of intimacy has been violated. Of course one develops a kind of imaginary relationship with one's idol, based on the intimacy one finds with their music. But it just brought back to earth with a jolt the point that it is a one-way intimacy.*
Last night was a total Shimuras gigglefest. Everyone was in filthy moods, the dirty jokes flying back and forth (I was actually reduced to a laughing fit so bad I started choking by the alternate interpretation of "Ten Silver Drops". (Think about it. Think 10CC.)) I kinda stopped trying to be the Organised One, just lay back and let them get on with it, and it was fine. A bit rough, but more enjoyable than when I feel like I have to be The Boss. Doesn't really help the sense of not belonging any more, though.
Waited forever for the train to get home, studying the adverts in the tube station. There's a current series - took a moment to realise that they're ads for a mobile phone service - which have just captured my imagination, if not my aesthetics. They're done in this soft, magical paisley, swhirling, glowing fronds like a cross between a mushroom trip and those glowing trails that particle accelerators leave behind. The one we were looking at featured an older woman leading a younger woman down this mystical looking forest path... I was joking "Is that her mother, her drug dealer, or a witch, taking her to a myserious coming of age ceremony in the woods?" All three seemed possible - it was just interesting to see an ad for technology featuring dynamics between women of different generations.
*Or, rather, the intimacy is with other fans. It is not with the Idol. The relationship with the Idol is an Einsteinian light-cone Causal Relationship, not a Quantum Entangled State.
posted by Masonic Boom | 11:13 am
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