It Didn't Work
I feel so isolated. I can't talk to anyone who *is* involved directly. I certainly can't talk to anyone who *thinks* they are somehow involved, through whatever friendship with whichever one of the parties. I try to contact friends who aren't involved at all, just for some kind of human reassurance, and it's always the same story from the same people. Too busy, too broke, too whatever, can't even find the time. And that drives me back down into myself, why should I bother reaching out again?
I feel like giving up, on friends as well as "lovers". I feel like never contacting anyone ever again, just waiting for people to contact me. If they do at all. Retreat a little further inside. Give up a little more hope.